What Do Women Want?
“These days, feminists got men so twisted in the head that they’re afraid to be a little aggressive sexually lest they get slammed with a date rape charge. Unfortunately, women are equally being conditioned to believe that if a man doesn’t proclaim his undying devotion to you with every thrust, he doesn’t respect you. A friend of mine used to think that something was actually wrong with her because she fantasized about rough sex. She was convinced that she might have been molested as a child and blocked it out. She spent a lot of time in therapy only to find out…..
She wasn’t.”
That quote is from a rather interesting post over at Violent Acres titled “How Feminism Ruined My Sex Life.” Seems to be written by a woman, but I can’t find any information about the author. Strange. Anyway, go read it. Might be insightful.
And then go read another article, on Kuro5hin — “The Compleat Gentleman - MMM’s Guide to Bitches, Buddies and Booze.” The following quote should give you a little taste of what’s there:
“Women do not want sensitive men who volunteer to change the diapers, discuss Desperate Housewives with her or who prefer cuddling after sex over pulling her hair during - although if you do both she’ll appreciate that. They want real men despite all the hype. Just look at Hollywood stars. Tom Cruise became the laughing stock of the entire world after he went all out as the “ideal” pussified male on Oprah, a slave to the girl he loves. Gentlemen - or as much as such are found in Hollywood - such as Russell Crowe, Harrison Ford and Colin Farrell act in movies where they decapitate men with swords, kick the shit out of men half their age or “leak” sex tapes where they fuck Playboy Playmates. While many women pay lip service to the sensitive type, what they are really after is a man who can change a tire and ravish them in bed.”
I’m bringing this subject up because the first post is by a woman and the second post is by a man. They both seem to be driving at the same idea: women want to be dominated.
This seems counterintuitive. Or, well, counter to most ideas I’ve heard so far.
Now, let’s get common criticism out of the way:
Q: The woman writes about her own feelings — they don’t apply to the rest of womankind who do want scented baths and candles.
A: This is true. She does write about her own desires. Let’s treat her views as such, but also consider how many other women might be sharing these views, who else might be sharing these views. Might she be representing the majority? Might she be representing sexually mature women who bear no false shame for their desires and who have grown out of princes on white horses?
I’m not implying anything here. I’m asking if the viewpoint expressed in that article is that of a mature woman.
Q: That guy, MMM, he’s just feeling gay and insecure. He’s burying his lack of confidence under antiquated ideas that might have been true thousands of years ago. Men and women today are very different!
A: The modern well-being society is about two or three hundred years old. Before that the man was the head of the family, the hunter, the protector of the family unit. Before that the woman was the man-pleaser, the babymaker, the childrearer. This went on for hundreds of thousands of years and evolution has certainly optimized both men and women for these roles.
Of course, our capacity for abstract thought enables us to accept men and women in other roles, but that’s not what this post is about. This post is about what men and women desire and desires are not always rational.
So without further ado, here’s the question, directed especially at the female readers of this blog. Yes, both of you.
What is it that women want? What do you want in a man? What’s the ideal man like? How do you see a woman’s role in the society? In a relationship?
As always, it’s possible to leave anonymous comments.
very intresting…i that fealing for a while. woman (gen) behaviours seem not to make rational sence, because i think we failed to see the underlying biological driving forces. sexual selection vs sorvial of the fittest….
keep mind that others behaviour is easyer to understand than your own
We really don’t know if the first post was written by a man or a woman. We also don’t know if the post was written in good faith, or just to f**k with our heads.
People who read blogs and magazines to find out what their companions want during sex, are probably not having sex with others. If they were, they would discuss it with their partners. If they do get someone to do it to, they won’t be around long unless they are stalkers - or are with partners who are so devoid of self confidence that they are willing to take anything from anyone.
If people who read blogs and magazines to find out what their companions want during sex are probably not having sex, what does that make you and I, Lesbesquet?
Yeah, okay, you’re a raging dyke who can’t get over both your sexual preference and the fact that men are running things and that men will probably always run things, so you’re certainly not getting any real sex.
Now me, on the other hand. What does that make me? Hopelessly narcissistic, inevitably. Perhaps misogynistic?
A woman’s role in society? What do women want? You’re seriously asking such general questions and expect some kind of serious answer? Ten different women will answer those ones in ten different ways. The submissive woman concept, however, is so fundamentally true that it is difficult to discuss this topic without coming across it. Different women accept it to different degree, and part of what makes women unique is the way in which they respond to the male’s usually significant physical advantage.
Someone will inevitably raise the question of lesbians. For all intents and purposes, they don’t exist in society, regardless of how vocally they whine about men. Why? Because no man takes them seriously, and few women really care to associate with them. Women are designed to take cock. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. There is no escaping the physical subjugation of the female that is implicit in the act of heterosexual sex.
Curses. There are comma-splices in there, and degree should be pluralized. You should really enable preview or something, Ms. Spoons.
[...] Continuing the Submissive Thread December 4th, 2006 I’m bringing this subject up because the first post is by a woman and the second post is by a man. They both seem to be driving at the same idea: women want to be dominated. [...]
Contraculture, you are so busy giving your own head head, that you decided Y am here to find out what my partner likes. Just following links. Y know what my darling butch (who can provide me with the best cock Y ever had, including the stinky man-kind) wants and Y have known for all the ten years she has been giving it to me the way Y like.
If you read the rest of the blog, you will find that it is in fact written by a woman. She even makes mention of the fact that she recognizes that if you read her posts without knowing so, they could be easily mistaken as writings of a man. I have no 2 cents on the article. I just thought I’d point this fact out. That a woman did write this.
The writer of Violent Acres is the writer of http://cheese.standingcheese.com who is a man.
The writer of Violent Acres is not the writer of http://cheese.standingcheese.com, although the writer of http://cheese.standingcheese.com is most definitely a man.
Don’t bother listening to anonymice who have no idea what they’re talking about and offer no proof.
I do have 2 cents on the article. I have spent many years wondering what the h— was wrong with me for fantasizing about rough sex. As a woman I am in control of most everything in our lives. For those times when I am bitchy and laying into him for dumb things, rough sex might help me let out some pressure for both of us. For us women who take charge of everything else, a little loss of control would be heaven.
When I am feeling vulnerable or low, aggressive sex may not be what I want but many other times I would love a little aggressive sex from my husband. The truth for me is, yes I want aggressive sex sometimes and yes sometimes I want romantic sex.
Woman here. I LOVE rough sex. I get frustrated when, in the middle of fucking (yes, fucking - not “making love”), my boyfriend will stop and go, “Am I hurting you?” My honest answer? Yes, you are, and PLEASE DON’T STOP. Pull my hair a little harder, too!
I’m not sure why this is so hard to believe.
Women differ, situations differ. I like a little wrestling usually, but I would never be turned on by being called a slut. Sometimes I want harder, faster, sometimes I want soft missionary stuff. Sometimes I like to give oral, all times I will gladly receive.
Does my not wanting someone to pull my hair and push a dick in my mouth, while calling me names make me less mature? That’s what was implied. That’s ridiculous. If that makes a woman mature, I guess posting homemade porn makes her really mature, having threesomes makes her, like, super mature and being tied up, beaten and fucked by her guy and all his friends at once makes her a wise woman up on the mountain. Uh… no. It’s just a preference.
In fact, to throw the judgment-making back your way, if I knew someone who wanted it rough and crude all the time, I would wonder why they were so afraid of intimacy.
The only immature thing I see is 1. assuming all men want this and all women want that and 2. being too much of a wimp (guy or girl) to talk about what you like. My hubby and I do have a little domination play, nothing really much, but even so, we worked out what we liked before there was any penetration (I say that instead of “sex” to make my point very clear). We even have a “safe-word,” even though it rarely ever needs to be used (mostly because my husbands knows what I like).
I guess if I had some white-collar worker who acted shy and demure all day, or if I was really controlling of my life, the house, the relationship, etc, I might want it really rough at night, but that’s not what I have, so I don’t feel like I need to make up for anything.